Some of my favorite books that have greatly changed the way I parent are
Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Terry Maxwell,
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp, and the many books from
James Dobson. Amazing truths that have helped me see how I was parenting using anger and punishment, not really using the bible and using Love to train...and I was definitely not peaceful, meek or quiet, all things I longed for and knew that I should have. I recommend these books/authors to EVERYONE, homeschooling or not.
I have been following a great
blog series on how homeschooling is a ministry and the last two posts have been teaching using 1 Corinthians 13. It has been excellent teaching, and she points out that most of her points comes from
this ministry that reminds me so much of the truths that these books have taught me. It is packed with biblical wisdom and it's all FREE on the web.
I have definitely needed a refresher course lately in how to show love to my kids and what NOT to do...thank the Lord that He gives us a fresh new beginning every new day to start over and try again! Hope you enjoy:
Here is a little taste:
Parenting is a Ministry….Loving Communication
Excerpt from Chapter 3
1. Love can only be described by observing it in action. That is why terms describing love are verbs, and not adjectives. Love is not something you just define. It is something that you do.
2. This love is not a feeling or an attitude. It is an action – start doing it and the feelings will come after.
3. This love is always related to someone else, never to self.
Loving Communication
I Corinthians 13:4-8
“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails….”
What Love Is Not
1.
Love is not impatient.
Impatience is putting selfish or unrealistic expectations on our children or hurrying them beyond their capabilities.
Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
2.
Love is not unkind.
Unkindness is getting angry, yelling, judging or comparing, and not accepting your children’s failures or mistakes.
Romans 12:10 “Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”
3.
Love does not envy.
Parental jealousy or envy can result when parents have had a painful childhood and their children have it easier or when a child’s accomplishments have surpassed those of their parents.
James 3:17-18 “But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
4.
Love does not parade itself or brag.
It is never appropriate to try to impress our children with how great or wise we are, or to belittle them in order to show them how important we are, saying things such as, “I had it a lot harder when I was your age.”
Proverbs 27:2 “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth; a stranger, and not your own lips.”
2 Corinthians 10:18 For not he who commends himself is approved, but whom the Lord commends.
5.
Love is not puffed up or arrogant.
We are a team pulling together, not dictators ruling or lording over our children with brutality or fear.
1 Peter 5:3 You should not aim at being dictators but examples of Christian living in the eyes of the flock committed to your charge.
Proverbs 28:25 An arrogant man stirs up strife, but he who trusts in the LORD will prosper.”
6.
Love does not behave rudely or act unbecoming.
Purposefully embarrassing and demeaning your children by discussing their failures or shortcomings in the presence of others.
Ephesians 4:29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
7.
Love does not seek to have its own way.
Insisting that your children and family do only what you want to do.
1 Corinthians 10:24
Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being.
Galatians 5:13 “…through love serve one another.”
8.
Love does not think evil.
Love does not keep score of our children’s failures or mistakes, and then beat them over the head with them when an opportunity arises.
1 Corinthians 13:5 “…keeps no records of wrongs.”
1 Corinthians 13:5 “…thinks no evil”
1 Corinthians 13:5 “… is not irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly even notice when others do it wrong.”
Ephesians 4:32 “And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
9.
Love does not rejoice in unrighteousness.
Telling our children “I told you so, you deserve what you got,” when they fall in sin or experience consequences from their sin.
Proverbs 14:9 “Fools mock at sin, but among the upright there is favor.”
10.
Not rejoicing in the truth
Failing to praise our children for their good deeds.
Romans 12:9 “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.”
3 John 4 “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth
11.
Not bearing all things
Avoiding, criticizing, or neglecting your child because he/she failed to meet your expectations.
Galatians 6:2 Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
12.
Not believing or hoping all things
Consistently doubting what your child says before you know all the facts.
Romans 5:5 “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”
13.
Not enduring all things
To endure means to last or tolerate. Parenting is hard work.
Matthew 20:28 "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
1 Corinthians 13:8 “Love never fails.”
CONCLUSION
Colossians 3:21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”
Proverbs 15:1 “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Ephesians 4:29-31 Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ also forgave you.”
If you believe that you have not been demonstrating loving communication to your children (or a particular child), I strongly recommend that you follow the steps below to
reconciliation.
1) Confess this to the Lord and ask Him to forgive you for not communicating love to His child/children.
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
2) Ask God to fill your heart with renewed love for your child/children.
Romans 5:5 “Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.”
3) Go to your child/children and make an age-appropriate confession. For example, “I love you, but I know that I have not been showing you that love with my words. I have been very impatient (unkind, etc.) and I need to apologize. Please forgive me. I love you and I am so glad to be your mom/dad.”
4) Pray with your child. Write out a prayer of commitment to seek the Lord to empower you to change in these areas and to become the parent to your child that God desires you to be.
