I am about to turn 31 this week, and my life has turned upside down...this is certainly not where I thought I would be in this point of my life. For the past yearish I have been in kind of a denial of my life's problems. "This can't be my life, I really am not actually dealing with this!" Lots of anger and bitterness have been revealed, and God is showing me that walking through this hard time right now is indeed for my good...it will reveal all the slag in my life and will let Him purify me in this process. Pride is a big one. I have a picture of what my life should look like, and it doesn't match up to reality. Pride was hiding that reality in shame, but now as I pray for humility, I find myself at a crossroads of continuing to live in secret shame and hurt, or to embrace the vulnerability of it all and let go of the pride and start living real. Life is messy. But God doesn't make mistakes! So I need to let go of who I think I should be, what I think I should be doing, how my life should look...and run towards what it is that God has for me...whatever that looks like! I have to let go of control, and trust that God has a far better plan than I could ever have dreamed up. Fear of man is a big one too. Why do I care so much about what others may think? I have had to let that one go too. If people talk, then they talk. If this is God's plan for me...then I shall walk it no matter what!
I love this album of Mandisa's...It's my new theme lately in this new walk of mine.
What if I were real? What's the worst that could happen? The pain isn't going to last forever, and it's only gonna make me stronger!
One of the biggest eye openers to me is that I can't be of help to anyone else if I am not real. I can't comfort others who may be going through things, if I am hiding it all. God's comfort has been amazing and life saving to me, and I can't share that love with others if I don't myself embrace this pain and His comfort in the full. Who are the people who have helped me the most in this process? The ones who have been real with me, who have shared their stories with me...the ones who have given me a hope because of where they are today after walking in God's path for them...even if it was hard. It made them stronger!!! That is what I want for others too. That my story may be of help to someone else along the way.
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