A Sad Week

Put simply, this week has been a very sad week. This weekend, I found out that my friend's mom, Diane Miller, was losing a very hard battle with cancer. The doctors had given her two weeks to live-sending her home with hospice care. But she passed away on Monday. My heart breaks for the family, and my mind was thinking also about just life and death in general. My friend is the same age as me...and it hit me hard that death will now be a common part of my life. I have mourned my grandmother's death, a step granddad, my great grandparents, and also tragic losses, like my sister who lost her son, as well as two other friends who also lost their babies. But I realize now that I am entering an age where it will be more and more common for my friends or myself to lose their loved ones-which is a very sad thought.
As I was already in a somber mood Monday mourning the loss of Diane Miller, and also reflecting about loss and grief in general, I received the news that a camp friend was killed in a car accident. She was only 19, in fact she would have celebrated her 20th birthday today, but instead her family spent the day burying her. I can't begin to fathom what her family is going through.
I pray for both these families as they seek peace and understanding. I know that God is faithful and His grace is amazing as He can give healing and a peace that passes all understanding.
Sometimes I wonder about the reasons God has doing the things He does on earth. "God-how is this part of Your plan, how is this going to work out for Your glory and our good?" Of course, I also realize as soon as these thoughts start, -who am I to question God and His sovereign ways? I am so grateful for the book of Job...I think that many who suffer can find comfort in reading about his life, and the lessons he comes to learn through his tragic losses and the process of grief. I know personally that I had a hard time with the "why me" questions when I had a miscarriage. Even when I had finally learned that it isn't about "why me", but "what would You have me to learn from this? How can I give you the glory in this?" I learned that God IS in control and I need trust in HIM, and to lean not on my own understanding...I still felt that I would never feel true joy again. True hope. I didn't think that the hurt I was feeling could be healed. How could I hope for "good" again, when He had allowed "bad" in my life?

"The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him" (Lamentations 3:24-25).

I had to learn, that I couldn't heal myself, and time doesn't heal...only God can.

I lift my eyes unto the hills; where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1-2)

I have learned to lay up my treasures in heaven, not here on earth, as nothing is promised to us. We are so blessed, we take so many wonderful gifts for granted, and then when we lose them, it all comes tumbling down around us. Because we have put our hope in the things of this world, instead of the Maker of this world- The giver of all good gifts. I have learned to thank Him for every day, every blessing...because nothing is a "right", I deserve none of it. So, thank you God for my husband, my children, my parents, my sister and family, Mark's family, my friends, my church, my freedom...the list is endless. And as hard as it is to think about it, if God in His infinite wisdom deems that it is good to take away one or more of these great gifts from my life, then I pray that He gives me the strength to thank Him for that as well...

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord. (Job 1:21)

Praise You in This Storm by Casting Crowns

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth