About a month ago, I ran across a wonderful resource called the Child Training Bible.
(It is not a special bible that you purchase, but a kit that you use with your own bible)
The "CTB" was created as an amazing resource for parents to quickly get answers from God’s Word on common sinful problems. The CTB makes it so simple for parents to present the biblical truth for times of instruction. Simply use the key and tabbers provided with your CTB kit to locate the behavior and find the section and color flags to go to. Read the highlighted verses with your child and explain what God says about the behavior that needs to be addressed.
It took me several hours to tab and highlight all the scripture, however it was well worth the time put in, as it was time reading all the wonderful scriptures as I looked up and highlighted each one. This are not just scriptures for children, but for everyday living! It has become one of our top ten parenting resources to recommend to others.
I like to be in control of things. I like things to be nice and neat. I don't deal well with messes. I like things to be tied up in pretty packages. I hate conflict and unresolved issues. I want to fix things...and as quickly as possible. I don't like waiting... I slowly realizing now that God is teaching me to let go of control. God is teaching me reliance on him. God is teaching me patience. God is teaching me that this is part of His plan, not just the way to get to His plan...but a part of it.
Oh...the days are so long, and yet His mercy is new every morning.
As I cry out to God in this long, uncontrollable messy unresolved conflict of my life...I realize that this is part of my journey. The mess. God is not delivering me out of this season for a specific time so that I will grow to be more in His likeness. I have to wrestle with hopelessness and overwhelming sadness, but God is there through it all. There truly is a time for everything. This is my time to do the unpleasant things...and I need to be okay with that and stop rushing God to clean it all up now and move on to the next season.
A Time for Everything
For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; a time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up; a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; a time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to cast away; a time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; a time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.~Ecclesiastes 3
This is a new song to me...and what a treasure I have found! It always amazes me how God can put words into someone's pen years earlier and yet that seems so very personal to me alone...for that matter to all His children. If I were to write out my thoughts tonight, this would be it. Oh, how I need you, Lord.
I had a little meltdown today. Well, to be honest it was a big one. Normally, I would keep this to myself...maybe journal about it...but tonight, I am blogging. I get tired of reading about everyone's seemingly put together happy lives in bloggyworld. So here's my contribution to fight against that:
This is me being as real as it gets:
It all started building up when I found out that the job I applied for didn't even give me an interview. Plus I have been sick all week. Life was just plain stinky this week. I really thought that I was very qualified for this job, and would LOVE that job, and it would get me back in my hometown, and I would be able to afford a place, and things would all work out. I just saw my dream crumbling each day as I didn't get a phone call. Today, I called the job...yeah...no interview, not considering me. o.u.c.h.
Today, I just couldn't stop crying. I kept going over things in my head...over and over I would hear the same arguments..."I have a right to have my own house with my own things, I have a right to live back in my hometown, I have a right to a good marriage"...then the other side would come in and fight back that "I do not have any rights, I am a slave to God and that all things I do have are a gift, not a right. The only right I have is to death, and he graciously gave me the gift of life instead, praise God!!! " But then the other side comes back and says..."yeah, yeah, yeah...I know I know, but I still feel like I want those things, and Mark has ruined my hopes and dreams, he has crushed my spirit. He has robbed my of things I should be enjoying. Other Christians enjoy these things, even though they aren't rights...why can't I ask for them?" Then the other side... "Let go of your anger and bitterness, embrace forgiveness. just think of all you have! Even if you did have a wonderful life, house, etc...look at what happened to people in Joplin...practically a whole town destroyed by a natural disaster. They don't have their homes anymore. They don't even have their stuff. You can't just demand that having a house is something that you have a right to...it won't make you happier. God is in control, and he guarantees no happiness in houses...you shouldn't be seeking your joy in a house, or perfect life." Then the other side kicks in all guilty and conflicted, "I know, I know, but I just don't know what to do with these feelings. I want a home of my own for me and the kids. Is that so wrong? And what do I do with my life now? How can I support myself with no job nor proper education? Why has Mark put me in this predicament!" {insert sobbing here} God help me, Lord help me, show me the way Lord! Give me a peace and comfort me Lord!
All the while, in my mind I am recounting how Mark has wronged me again...hurt me and wounded me, offered no apology. However, I know I am yet again expected to deny myself, pick up my cross, and follow Jesus. He says to forgive, so I do. He says to pray for those who persecute me...so I do. I pray for God to bless Mark. And what do I get in return, more hurt from Mark. This road is getting harder and harder, not easier. {insert more tears} Lord, help me do this your way. Help me turn the other cheek. Teach me how I am to withstand this and persevere, show me how to be an example for my kids. Keep giving me Your hope Lord to make it through. Show me the way, Lord!
Meanwhile...I am just so lost, just trying to figure out what to do with my life now. So many questions, and the only two things I am certain of are: 1-I really thought I would be back into my life in my hometown by now with a job. 2-I don't want to be living with my parents having to support me and the kids! But honestly, I am not even sure I want to go back there either now. That may just be me trying to run away from problems. Who knows. It's just in my head, so I am being honest. I have fun doing My Bella Sweets, but is that what I really want to do with the rest of my life...not to mention will it even support me and the kids for life? (I am pretty sure the answer is no!) Do I really want to get through with my life, and stand before God who will ask what I did with what He gave me...and I will say...well, I made cupcakes and a few paintings! No! My heart yearns for more! I want to make a difference in people's lives!!! I have always had this desire. It began in youth ministry, when I started working with kids and teens. Teaching Bible studies or just hanging out with them. I enjoyed it sooo much! I have a passion to be in that ministry, I felt like I had found my calling when I was working as a youth director. I also want to foster parent, adopt, I wanted to devote my life to serving others. I was blown away this week to learn that my nieces have been taken away from their mother, and I can't do anything for them. I have no home, no money for them. It just made me mad! Again this little voice starts to creep in and whisper to me..."Mark has ruined things for you, look what you have given up for him"...but, alas...here I am today...
I need to take responsibility for me now. There is no going back, no changing things. Plus, I know deep down, even with the little crazy voices in my head, that what men mean for evil, God means for good. Nothing has happened to me that He has not ordained! I know this...so I tell myself to snap out of this pity party!!! My life could be much worse!!! No more blaming or excuses. but what do I do now? Where or even how do I start? If I am really honest with myself, I want to do ministry/missionary work...dedicate my life to very needy people...Children, Teens, Parents. This is my passion. Where? not sure. How? No clue. I would imagine having two children makes it even harder to accomplish this. I cried out to God today for help, just for Him to speak clearly to me...to answer me! I want to serve you!!! How can I do this, what is my calling? Open a door for me, give me courage to walk! Provide ways for me and the kids to go! Show me the way Lord!
And all that came were more tears. I was miserable.
I felt like I was sufficating and I just needed fresh air. Being sick all week was making me go crazy! So with no food in the fridge, and dinner time approaching, I hop in the car and drive into town. There are like 5 options in this small town...mostly unhealthy and I was sick of the lack of choices. More depression comes over me as I wish I were back in my hometown, and I just cry. I drive past each one, not wanting any of the choices. I turn around...drive through town again...nothing. I decide that since I am not really hungry anyway, I will just drive. At first I take a few turns and end up in the "projects" I immediately am thankful and greatful for what I do have. Thank you God for all the many gifts I have been given. I take a few other turns and back to main street I come. I pass by the pharmacy and the childcare place, and think that I should just apply there, just get a job here and save up my money. But then there is the problem of when I get more money, I will want to quit and move back to my hometown, and then I am jobless again...so I just get more frustrated at all the craziness and start crying again...by now I have taken a few strange turns, and have decided to go exploring. I ended up on a beautiful long road, who knows where, that led out to the country...it was lined with pecan trees and it began to have rises and dips in the road. I remembered how much I love driving and taking in the scenery. Then I started thinking about how it reminded me of Va.'s beauty, and how I love being in new places. I began to think of all my favorite things, that my absolute dream would be to have mountains with a beach, and that is in California, which led me to begin thinking that maybe I should just travel this summer. Take the kids, and my money saved up for moving and just travel the US and end up at my sisters's house in California. I could make a learning educational thing out of the trip. Yes...I think to myself, that would be great! That would make me happy! Who knows, maybe I will even decide to live there! But then I think, what about Mark? It wouldn't be fair, also he would be angry if I just disappear with the kids for 2 months not to mention possibly more! I also am reminded about Farmer's Market commitments for my business, upcoming visit by my sister's family and camp and music workshop. Then I become bummed again. Great. there goes another great plan....more crying. God, what am I suppose to do? I wish you would just tell me! Make the way clear for me!!!
By now I figure, if I don't turn around soon, I might end up in another state or get lost, so I turn around...head back the way I came...back to main street, decide to go to the grocery store. By now I have recomposed myself enough and I am calm again. Sad, but not crying. I walk the aisles and pick out some stuff. I get back home, and there are my parents home early from their trip, with...dinner. Whatever. It is that kinda week. I needed the drive anyway. I put my groceries away for another day and sit down emotionally exhausted and stare blankly at the TV, which wasn't fulfilling. I decide to head to my room and end up browsing the internet, and then I remember that Mark had downloaded tons of Little House on the Prairie episodes on the computer long ago, but I had never watched them. Yay! That will definitely make me happy, I LOVE LHotP, but... that link was messed up, and nothing was there to watch, which just added to the theme of the day. I felt like Debby Downer. Sheesh...maybe I should just go straight to bed! But something made my eyes wander to the right corner of my screen...and there it was, a Mark Driscoll Folder. I need Your word God, speak to me Lord, show me the way.
So I browse over the topics, and there it was .... "The Rebel's Guide to Joy" yes, that is what I need...a topic on joy. So I clicked on it, and God spoke to me the whole way thru! I recommend it highly! It's actually a whole series on Phillipians, but I have only listened to the first message tonight. It is exactly what I needed to hear. http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/rebels-guide-to-joy/the-rebels-guide-to-joy#play
So, I started the day off with a meltdown and end the night praising God for his help, his immediate answer to me. It is a pure refreshment to know He cares enough about me to lead me to this sermon tonight, and to guide me back to the Word. He has provided me a Rock to stand on in these quicksand times of mine...A shelter from the scorching sun. A rest for a weary soul. Thank you Lord for providing all I need! I love you more each day!
Psalm 121...Where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD
HE made heaven and earth - The great Creator of the universe. He must, therefore, be able to protect me. The Creator of all can defend all. He will not let you stumble; the one who watches over you will not slumber.
He will enable you to stand firm. You are safe in his protection. He will be ever watchful and wakeful. All creatures, as far as we know, sleep; God never sleeps. His eyes are upon us by day, and in the darkness of the night - the night literally; and also the night of calamity, woe, and sorrow. Indeed, he who watches over Israel never slumbers or sleeps.
Never slumbers, never ceases to be watchful. Man sleeps; a sentinel may slumber on his post, by inattention, by long-continued wakefulness, or by weariness; a pilot may slumber at the helm; even a mother may fall asleep by the side of the sick child; but God is never exhausted, is never weary, is never inattentive. He never closes his eyes on the condition of his people, on the needs of the world. The LORD himself watches over you! The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade. The sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon at night. The LORD keeps you from all harm and watches over your life.The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil - This is an advance of the thought. The psalmist had in the previous verses specified some particular evils from which he says God would keep those who put their trust in him. He now makes the remark general, and says that God would not only preserve from these particular evils, but would keep those who trusted in him from all evil: he would be their Protector in all the perils of life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore. Through this life and for ever. This is the gracious assurance which is made to all who put their trust in God. At home and abroad; in the house, in the field, and by the way; on the land and on the ocean; in their native country and in climes remote; on earth, in the grave, and in the eternal world, they are always safe. No evil that will endanger their salvation can befal them; nothing can happen to them here but what God shall see to be conducive to their ultimate good; and in the heavenly world they shall be safe forever from every kind of evil, for in that world there will be no sin, and consequently no need of discipline to prepare them for the future.
I know that God has a plan for me, and I fall asleep tonight assured and comforted knowing that I am in His care and that He never slumbers!
Here is a look into our Preschool Week continuing to focus on
Creation, Numbers 1-7, Nature/Animals. We even had the privilege of taking school to CeCe's (my parents house) when our cousins were in town before they moved far far away to California. It was quite a challenge to do school with four kids all at different levels, but we managed and had fun!
Our main Bible we used this week was Pray and Play Bible for Young Children. She also enjoyed looking at James' big boy Bible Reader that we use for his 1st grade curriculum. They both have wonderful colorful illustrations to make the story come alive.
School with Cousins at my parents.
Fun with Homemade PomPom Magnets
Punching holes to practice number recognition.
Nature Walk to find color of the day...Green and Brown
Collecting items for Creation Collage
All you need is contact paper and paper bag. Cut contact paper and paper bag to rough size that you desire. Peel off paper and place contact paper sticky side up onto work surface.
Place your treasures onto the sticky side of contact paper, then lay paper on top to seal.
You could also seal it with another layer of contact paper [instead of the paper bag] and hang it in the window as a cool suncatcher.
We are working on number recognition, and focus on a new number each creation day. We went outside and used our sidewalk chalk to write the three numbers we had reviewed so far. I would call out a number and she would hop to it. Later we took a walk around the yard, and collected 1, 2, and 3 items of nature. Then we laid them down in the appropriate box. Ex. One stick, Two blades of grass, Three acorns.
She LOVES the counting bears, at first we were reviewing numbers...but then we went to color matching and sorting...this kept her busy for quite some time.
Break time....RECESS!!!
We created a craft page to represent what God created each day. Day 3 was probably the most messy! Glue a strip of brown construction paper to the bottom of page for dirt, paint the arm brown for tree trunk, hand/s green for branches. and paint green for grass and plants.
Day 4 He created the lights in the sky!
Here is a simple game to create: Creation Shoebox Match up~ Using Clothespins.
Role play with a friend. Wearing their babies!
Science: Sorting Whether the Animals Swim or Fly
Using stickers to create Day 5 Craft Page.
Tracing: We have torn out several pages from a workbook from Walmart and slipped them into sheet protectors. Bella loves her binder and pulls it out as James works on his "big boy" school work. These sheet protectors are in order 1-10, in a special number section for her to trace with dry erase markers. She can trace and erase as many times as she would like.
More numeral practice with 1-5 Sorting.
Color of the Day: Purple~
Craft: Flying purple bird...
Of course, all purple birds need a touch of green, mom~
Practicing cutting with scissors. Neat book purchased from Walmart called I Can Cut!
Playdoh Fun...Creating Numbers
That was our weekly wrap-up. Check out these great sites for more ideas!!!
Here is a look at what we did in our first day at Pr3school!
Bible Focus:
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
Genesis 1:1
We read the whole creation story using the Pray and Play Bible...and then focused on Day 1
Craft Page from Hubbard's Cubbard Bible Curriculum
Music and Movement:
We love to dance and make up motions to the songs!
Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
He's Got the Whole World
God Made Me
This is the Day
Math/Art:
Our Focus for the next two weeks will be all the basic colors.
Each morning in our group time we do a color of the day and a mystery box.
Today was a stuffed animal zebra...I gave a few hints and then they had to guess. Then we put up the color of the day on our board, and went on a black and white scavenger hunt all around the house. This is a new and fun addition to our group morning routine.
Day One was focused around Black and White to tie in with Creation Day 1 Day and Night, so we explored by making a black and white collage.
Bella LOVES cutting paper...I think we did this for 45 minutes before she declared that she was finished!
We are also beginning to work on numeral recognition, and what better number to start with...Number One!
We got out the shaving cream and traced the number one...
over and over again.
I let her play around too, of course!
Science:
For science we talked about Day and Night.
Hubbard's Cubbard has an awesome printable with different activities that you do in the daytime or nighttime. So we worked on sorting those out. I just wrote out the words "Day or Night" and taped it over the writing on the page in our Bible Book we read out of earlier in the day. She did really well in sorting out the different activities.
Phonics:
For the next two weeks, we will introduce all the ABC's.
We read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom and then while she colored a coloring sheet,
I colored our very own coconut tree for our fridge.
Then we got some our our ABC magnets (found at the dollar tree) and placed them up. We played with them, and re-read the book and placed the appropriate letters on the fridge as we got to them on each page.
Tons of Fun! No time for action pics though :(
We also watched some videos with Chicka Chicka Boom Boom featured. One was a DVD from Nickelodeon we have with Blues Clues Room. A cute little boy reads with Blue, and the story is animated.
Another was from you tube. It's a song. Too cute!
Want to find a TON of ideas for Chicka Chicka Boom Boom?
Another fun thing we did was cover our table in the school room with some butcher paper on a roll. Then I laid out all my ABC cookie cutters and showed her how to trace them with crayons.
Wiggly Fun:
We took a trip to the Georgia Southern University museum
featuring exhibits of dinosaurs, bubbles and games!
This last one is my favorite of the day! Sure, its blurry...but it's Bella!
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